This Joke is an Oldie but a Goodie!

(Make sure you read through the joke!) 

If you don't think your vote is important think about where we are now. Politicians promising Universal Health Care and the protection of preexisting conditions and then working to dismantle the only public health care option we've ever had and specifically focusing on eliminating the protections for preexisting conditions. Promising tax cuts only to vote in a thinly veiled tax raise on what remains of the middle class to fund their corporate giveaways (think corporate socialism). Promising to "build a wall and have Mexico pay for it" only to try and plunder our military and homeland security budgets so that US tax payers pay for what amounts to an ineffective eyesore on the landscape and a weakening of our military and border protections. 

I think this old joke sums it up nicely: 

While walking down the street one day, a politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance who welcomes him. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem to address. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the official. “Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.” “Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the politician. “I’m sorry, but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts him to hell. 

The politician finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. He sees his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening attire. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell. Next, the politician goes over to the doors of heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. “Now it’s time to visit heaven.” So, 24 hours pass with a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. “Well then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.” The politician reflects for a minute and then answers, “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.” So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. 

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “I don’t understand,” stammers the politician. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?” The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning… Today you voted.” 

The moral of the story is "Beware of false campaign promises" and in November "Get out and vote for what you know is right!"

Poison Ivy - Song by the Coasters (1963)

Poison Ivy - Song by the Coasters (1963)

(Click on the link to hear this old classic)

So why do I have this old Coasters song for you to reminisce with?  I needed a clever lead in to this edition of the Brooks Family Blog!

That's right, I'm currently covered from wrist to elbow with; you guessed it, Poison Ivy!

For those of you who have visited and received a personal tour of my modest acre and a third, I may have pointed out that a good third of the property is wooded and covered with brush.  I also most likely pondered about clearing the underbrush from the narrow east and south strips to the property lines.  There is just too much jungle on the west side to even consider clearing over there.  I don't have any great before pictures:

Lots of underbrush, downed logs, trash left behind by the previous owner, including old tires, building materials, old shooting targets, etc... you get the idea.

When we first moved here the first thing I did was haul off the biggest junk, the old tires and a couple of full size archery targets, a Styrofoam deer and turkey.  Just recently, my neighbor on the east side decided to hire a crew to completely clear his back and side properties, including our adjacent property line, of all the undergrowth.  His crew actually came across the property line and did about 90% of my work for me, at least on that side.  So with that to motivate me, Liam and I got after the last 10%.

At different times in my youth I've had bouts with poison ivy.  Not all that different from my battles with yellow jackets.  I've mentioned my yellow jacket encounters a couple of times.  Since we've moved here I've had multiple stings from yellow jacket swarms three times.  As I've worked around the yard, occasionally I'll pick up a spot or two of poison ivy, not really even a rash.  This time however, one of the things I'm tackling head on is the poison ivy.  What does poison ivy look like?  This meme appeared on my Facebook page recently:

It seems I have this proposed "TP" substitute on about a third of my trees.  I've been chopping sections out of the vines at the bottom hoping to kill it all over time.  I'm trying to use rakes and shovels so I don't handle the vines at all but apparently it only has to brush you to transfer the oil.  I've been washing my hands up to my elbows after every work session.  Of course, the first little bit of rash started just above my wash line.  So what does a poison ivy rash look like?

It's not too bad but yes, it itches.  It usually takes a week or so to run it's course.  I'm sure I have at least the better part of a week to go, arrrrg!

Anyway, here's what my side and back property lines look like now.

East Property Line between the houses.

Rear Property Line

I still need to hit them both with the mower and spread some shade tolerant grass seed but at least all the trash and building materials are gone.  I found enough joist hangers to build a new deck.

That's all for now, at least until I find something more interesting to write about!

Take care and stay safe!

R-

And What Are You Doing To Pass The Time?

So the home we purchased in Western North Carolina is on an acre and a third of land, about one third is trees and brush, then there is the house footprint and two substantial asphalt driveways. The front yard is pretty much unusable due to the size, layout and slope. That leaves me roughly one-half acres to play with in the back yard. After my postage stamp lots in Southern California, a half acre seems like a full soccer pitch. If it were all flat I'd probably have a soccer pitch.

Trying to be the responsible family, we are doing our best to stay sequestered in our home, or at least on our property, with the exception being outings to the grocery store, and those as few as possible. I have my shop downstairs and I've frequently confessed to completing projects, not because of any particular need, but just because I like working on projects. It remains to be seen whether what follows falls into that category or if I've actually created something that we will use as a family to keep us occupied and sane for the foreseeable future.

This is what I've done with our little slice of God's half acre!

First, if you've kept up with some of my previous posts these next couple of recreational stations will not be new to you. Sometime back I created an archery station and backstop for Maureen's birthday and Mother's day one year. Archery is something Maureen expressed interest in and I even took her for a lesson, but as of this writing I'm the only one that has used our archery setup.

You can also see in the picture above my golf tee box, sans golf mat. Well my golf practice venue has expanded considerably.

From near to far I have a chipping net, a PRGR Launch Monitor (the least expensive I could find with good reviews), real golf balls to hit into the net away from the house and foam golf balls I can hit to the house, a Balight Golf Swing Trainer Aid (Orange Whip knockoff) leaning against the tree on the left, and of course my golf mat and target net. 

Has all this helped my golf game? The jury is still out on that because I can't get out to the golf course but I think I'm hitting the ball much better.



My next project is shown is shown in the picture above. I don't have access to racquetball or bowling anymore but Pickleball is all the rage with the senior crowd around here. Don't know what Pickleball is? Neither did I until a few weeks ago, now I have a Pickleball court, net, and accessories right here.

Click on this link to see some Pickleball action!

The last readymade outdoor activity we have is target shooting. I have a nice Italian pellet rifle, a .22lr, and a hill for a natural backstop behind the house. We can shoot right off the back porch. Yes, in Western North Carolina it's legal to shoot firearms in a residential area. The only restriction, I checked, is you have to notify neighbors within 300 feet of your property. And that has nothing to do with firearms per se'. That's from a noise ordinance.  

Bonus points for anyone who can identify the rifle I'm shooting, except for Dave Dyer who knows everything about firearms and Uncle John, who I'm pretty sure owns one (that's a hint).  Those two lose points if they don't know!

Also, Maureen has her gardening. Liam and I have put together a couple of raised planters and Maureen has been weeding and preparing everything for her spring crops.

That's pretty much our outdoor activities available. When the weather is not cooperating, Maureen is partial to a canasta type card game called "Hoof-in-Mouth" or "Hand-and-Foot" or something as ridiculous. 

My Living Room Poker Setup

I have my on-line poker. I'm playing with two groups now, the Blue Ridge Bluffers and the OLLI SIG (Special Interest Group), sometimes at the same time. If anyone is interested I can get you into the SIG group, no problem.


Liam has his own PS4 setup and is equally occupied. And of course I have my drawing and wood shop if I'm so moved. 

And last, for your entertainment, I have a picture and short video of Maureen's first attempt at giving me a hair cut. This social distancing motivated me to purchase a hair cut kit. Maureen didn't do too bad, I may never pay for another hair cut again!  Haircut video

So back to my original speculation, are these projects activities we will use?  Or am I creating all of this just to have projects to do?  Only time will tell, but I have my eye on a reasonably flat area off to the right that would make a nice Bocce Ball court!

Be safe everyone and stay at home!

R-

I'm Somebody!

Remember Steve Martin from the movie "The Jerk"?  When the new phone book comes out and he finds Johnson, David R on page 73, his charactor gets all excited because his name is in print and he is finally "SOMEBODY!"  (See the video link below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7aIf1YnbbU

(Spoiler Alert)  Well I have my name in print now!

So here's the story:  Maureen and I are driving to Sylva to visit with Liam and there is road work ahead.  I know in one of my previous blogs I've complained about the propensity for North Carolina drivers to merge immediately upon seeing a "lane closed ahead" sign.  It might be three miles ahead but that doesn't matter.  Everyone feels obligated to merge immediately.  And it's not uncommon to be forced to comply by drivers straddling the line or even driving in the otherwise open lane to block cars and drivers not choosing to be lemmings.  So we catch up with the merged line and there are THREE semi-trucks with trailers lined up in an otherwise comletely open lane driving at the same speed as the already merged traffic.  The merged traffic and adjacent open lane extend as far as the eye can see.  I'm Pissed!  As I approach an offramp, where I intend to exit and get back on in front of this crawing road block, I notice the shoulder widens for quit a distance.  So I break the law and make a mad dash past the three semi's (I didn't get caught) and go on about my merry way.  What could have been a twenty minute delay took me about five minutes to get through.  But this has happened one too many times for me.

Did you ever have some thought bouncing around in your mind and you knew you would not be able to sleep if you didn't get it out.  I wanted so badly to write and OP-ED, it didn't even matter if it were published or not.  I just had to get it down on paper and submit somewhere, where was not important, before I could rest.  So I did just that.  I hammered out my opinion piece and submitted my first draft to the Asheville Citizen Times.  I didn't even put any effort into the bio and picture requested because it wasn't going to be published anyway, right? (As it turns out I should have proof read it because I did find a typo after it was published.)

Two days later, here is the email I received from Casey Blake, the Editor of the Asheville Citizen Times:

"Hi Richard, thank you for this unusual submission - I don't know that we've ever run a full-length driver-rant but this one reads really well to me so you may be our first on Sunday.  I know this is an issue we hear from readers about a lot so I'm sure you'll have many fans."

Although I submitted this as an "Opinion" piece, it did not make the Opinion Section.  If you will look closely at the By Line it reads:  Richard Brooks, Guest Columnist!  See, I am somebody!

I haven't found the web page link to my article yet.  I think there might be a delay to encourge people to buy the paper.  So here is my "Column" below: 

NC Drivers:  You have a choice.  Behold, the zipper merge

You have a choice to make it through 35% faster, you have a choice to be safe and courteous, you have a choice to comply with NCDOT recommendations and the law, and all that is required of each and every one of us to use all available lanes up to the necessary merging point.

That's right, NCDOT recommends that when interstates and major highways are reduced to a single lane (or fewer lanes than normally provided) for any reason, that drivers utilize ALL available lanes until it becomes necessary to merge.  NCDOT.gov describes their formal program using new sensor technology as the "Dynamic Zipper Merge."  The Dynamic Zipper Merge includes sensors that detect traffic flow and adjusts message boards to read; "Use Both Lanes/To Merge Point." At the start of the work zone, the signs will display “Merge Here/Take Turns."

The zipper method works just like it sounds.  Everyone uses all available lanes up to the merge point, and then we all courteously take turns merging into the single available lane.  And the great thing about this method is it really does not require any sensor technology or message boards.  All that is required is for everyone to use the lanes available, pay attention to the road and vehicles around us, and take turns.

What about forced compliance by the "Get In Line" crowd?  You know, those passenger vehicles and large trucks that straddle the line or drive full in the open lane at the same speed as the already merged traffic.  Below is an excerpt from North Carolina General Statutes Chapter 20. Motor Vehicles § 20-141. Speed restrictions.  I don't know if I'm applying this correctly, but in most states, if not all, obstructing the free flow of interstate traffic is a violation of traffic laws.

North Carolina General Statutes Chapter 20. Motor Vehicles § 20-141.

(h)  No person shall operate a motor vehicle on the highway at such a slow speed as to impede the normal and reasonable movement of traffic except when reduced speed is necessary for safe operation or in compliance with law;  provided, this provision shall not apply to farm tractors and other motor vehicles operating at reasonable speeds for the type and nature of such vehicles. 

Blocking other vehicles from using an open lane would not be justified as "reduced speed is necessary for safe operation or in compliance with law.”  It's not safe, it is certainly not courteous, and it just doesn't make sense!  And here is the rub.  I can't tell you how many times since I moved to North Carolina that I have seen a sign for "Right/Left lane closed ahead", and I've driven ahead two or three miles only to find that there was no requirement to merge.  For weather, scheduling, whatever... there was no roadwork underway that day and there was a single line of slow traffic for literally no reason.

Full disclosure:  you may have noticed I indicated a relocation to North Carolina.  I was born and raised in Virginia but spent the thirty-five years prior to my 2015 move to North Carolina in Southern California.  So you can imagine I have an decidedly different view of traffic than most native or long term North Carolinians.  In Southern California when there is a traffic accident on a six or eight lane freeway requiring traffic to merge to get by, there is no choice.  You use all available lanes and courteously take turns to get by the choke (merge) point.  And the reason everyone automatically does that is that it works.  Otherwise the resulting back up for six lanes merging to one or two lanes would result in a back up of 10's of miles.  Using the 35% faster statistic.  An hour long backup in North Carolina where everyone merges as soon as they see the merge sign becomes 40 minutes or less using all available lanes and the zipper method.  A more likely half hour back up becomes 20 minutes or less.  And if everyone participates we all get there 10, 20, 30 minutes or more, sooner.

And remember, it is a choice.  A choice to be smart about how we use the interstate space available to us.  A choice to acknowledge the expertise and experience of the NCDOT traffic engineers and follow their recommendations.  And an opportunity for all of us to choose to get where we are going a little bit faster, safer, and even a little more courteously.

So I'm published, and as a "columnist" no less.  I'm temped to hammer out another column on "Gun Control".  I'll give you a hint.  I think both sides are doing it wrong!

Until next time!

R-

Another Year Winding Down!

I hope everyone is doing great as we're diving head first into the holiday season. Maureen, Liam and I are well into our fifth year here in Western North Carolina. We will be hosting a few friends for Thanksgiving this year which of course means Maureen and I are scrambling to put everything in order in time for dinner Thursday. I'm sure everything will come out fine, it always does. One potential inconvenience that didn't materialize, we're in the process of having the exterior doors, windows, trim and decks painted. The work was supposed to be started at the beginning of November and be finished by now. Best laid plans huh! As luck would have it our contractor was delayed getting started due to weather and delays on his previous job. However, he has also been delayed on our house due to rain so he didn't have an opportunity to mask everything off before the holiday week, so we won't be ducking under plastic to get in and out of the house thank goodness.

I took another drawing class and I've been producing the odd piece here and there. I had migrated to just pencil (gray scale), then did a few ink and pencil (still gray scale), and now I'm trying my hand at just pen and ink (black & white).

The Point Lookout Maryland Lighthouse (above) was a first effort. It's a bit more challenging than using pencil but I think I might like using just pen and ink. I've posted a few of my more recent efforts on my drawings page (select link). 

I've also been playing a bit more golf, at least while the weather was cooperating. I took a series of five one-hour golf lessons and I loved them. Joe was patient and persistent and although I was a bit stubborn, I think I got quite a bit out of the lessons. Having said that, I'm still on a bit of a learning curve but at least now I have something definitive to work on and I'm not just out there flailing around grooving bad habits. We'll see for sure this coming spring if it was worth the effort.

I've given up on the whole "Kayak Experiment!" I mentioned before that Maureen is just not interested in the whole "down in the waves, whitewater experience." And I couldn't get anyone from our new social group to take the plunge, figuratively speaking. So I just sold the Torrent. I did manage to make a profit with that transaction.

What is seeming to take off is my bowling alley drinking group. My text notification group is up to eleven. We're going almost once a week and getting a decent turnout. And, as I've always said, "you get good at what you do", and my bowling is improving as well!

213 is my second best score ever. When I bowled in a league with John O'Doherty I had a 214 once.

Speaking of bowling leagues, quite by accident, I just joined one. I was at the lanes waiting for my group and an over 55 league was in progress. I saw the league director hard at work on her books so I queried whether they could use a substitute bowler occasionally with the possibility of joining a team if they came up short sometime in the middle of their season. As it turned out a vacancy had just opened recently (read on to find out just how recently). I said fine, gave her my name and number so the team leader could call if he were interested. In short order I was tracked down by Harold and offered the spot (he didn't even ask about my bowling skills). 

After filling out the paperwork and signing up for the league I moseyed on down to meet the rest of the team. That is when I learned that the vacancy had been created that morning. Their teammate had passed away just after midnight. I'm just a little leery about the implications of that and I'm cautioning my drinking/bowling cohorts not to replace me in the league if something happens. I'm not usually superstitious but just in case!

I finally did it. I broke down and bought myself a backpack leaf blower. Short of cutting down a half acre of trees I'm never going to get ahead of the leaves that cover my yard all fall long. I've blown leaves and dragged piles of them into the surrounding woods twice so far this fall. I'll need to accomplish that task at least once more this year but at least I have the tool for the job now. I'll be dragging my new blower, and hopefully Liam to help, down to Richmond in early December to tackle mom's yard as well. 

I've managed to regain first place in my poker group and I'm clear by about eighteen points. There are about eleven more opportunities for someone to catch me this year and that's if we play on Christmas and New Year's eves.

Maureen is keeping herself busy. She claims to not have any trips planned for the next few months but I'm not so sure.  She spends a lot of time researching travel sites "just in case!"  Liam is doing what Liam does, which is mostly not communicating with us about what he's doing.  Liam has been working quite a bit and I'm due to pay his spring tuition.  Other than that we anticipate seeing him for Thanksgiving and Christmas but otherwise he usually has to have an excessive amount of dirty laundry before he is motivated to make the drive home.

As you can see I didn't have a great deal to share, I just wanted to take this opportunity to drop a note and wish all of our friends a wonderful holiday season!

They're predicting a more severe winter for us this year.  This might be me in a month or so.  

Thank goodness for my kindle and fireplace!

Best wishes to everyone and enjoy your holiday season!

Rick

In My Own Defense, I Was Left Unsupervised!

So the question is; Did I really get into any trouble while Maureen was on her trip?

I'm afraid I have to confess to a "missed opportunity!" The potential for trouble was there but I don't actually think I reached my potential. If you read my last blog entry then you know about my "Piedra" kayaking adventure. Well I sold the Piedra for exactly what I paid for it so no harm no foul. What I decided I needed was one of the rare sit-on-top kayaks designed for whitewater. I arranged to rent a Dagger Torrent 10.0 to try before I buy, but the trip with my meetup group that weekend canceled. Did I mention my new meetup group? It's titled; "Asheville Old Farts Whitewater Canoeing Meetup." I also just joined the "WNC Kayaking Meetup." Anyway, I was not able to demo the Torrent, not that it mattered that much because there just aren't that many sit-on-tops designed for whitewater and apparently the experienced (used) ones out there just don't come up for sale on Craigslist or the other resale markets out there. And when they do they are snapped up almost right away every time if their condition is decent at all. 

But wait! As luck would have it, in the middle of the week a Dagger Torrent 10 popped up on the WNC Gear Swap Facebook page.   And this is where being retired has it's advantages. The kayak was located in southern Kentucky. The owner agreed to meet me part way, and because I could travel any time, even with all the posted interest in this kayak, I was able to stake my claim and meet them early during a weekday around their work schedule. So now I'm the proud owner of an "Experienced" Dagger Torrent 10. 

I'm still trying to workout an opportunity to try it out. Neither of my Meetup groups have an event pending. 

The ten days I spent in Richmond while Maureen was on her trip, aside from my minor kayak adventure (see my last blog entry for details) was primarily to have some quality time with my mom on and around Mother's Day. So how much trouble could I get in with my mom? You might be surprised. Of all my immediate family, my mom is the most likely to be involved in a "Pub Crawl" with me. Seriously! But once again, a potential missed opportunity. I spent Mother's Day weekend working a craft show with my mother and sister. My mother, sisters, and sister-in-law, have a "Craft Show Enterprise" for lack of a better description. On any given weekend they might be found at a local craft show or farmers market peddling their wares. Their stated goal: The primary objective of Hootie Mama & Company is to ensure that none of our respective craft rooms are featured on an episode of "Hoarding: Buried Alive"! (A link to the Hootie Mama Facebook Page) If you are interested in where the name "Hootie Mama" came from, on the Facebook page choose "About" and then "Who We Are." Anyway, while I was in Richmond I completed a number of pencil drawings about Virginia landmarks for the show that are now posted on my drawings page. I even sold my colored pencil drawing of the sea turtle.

Other than that, everything else was fairly routine. There are a group of us that bowl once or twice a month. That originated out of our wives getting together regularly and leaving us behind. We needed an excuse to get together for a beer without them (turnabout is fair play) every once in a while. If I can plagiarize a bit; We're beer drinkers with a bowling problem! I've also used Maureen's time away to work on my golf game. I was an 18 handicap "BL" (before Liam). It turns out golf is a perishable skill, definitely not like riding a bike. However my short game wasn't bad when I started up again and that's improving along with my full swing. My scores are headed in the right direction and last time out I was nailing my irons, even the 4 and 5 irons (I've been struggling with my longer irons a little). 

I'm taking a couple of Poker themed classes at the OLLI Center this summer. I slipped into second place with my poker group, worked myself back into the lead, then missed a couple of tournaments so I'm a few points back in second again. But it's only June and the December final tally is a ways off.

I almost forgot to mention, I did spend a few days modifying the back of my truck.  Just a simple storage solution to a perceived problem (along with too many shop tools and material laying around and too much time on my hands).

I think Maureen will admit that the house was not a complete disaster when she returned.  Just to illustrate that everything I learned from My Uncle John was not always a great idea, if not brilliant.  Uncle John pointed out that instead of vaccuming your car, if you have a good air compressor with a high volumn air nozzle, you can blow out the interior of your vehicle with the compressor.  And of course he encouraged me to explore whether that little cleaning hack would work on the house as well.  It turns out using the air compressor was quite effective.  And my electric leaf blower did a great job cleaning off flat surfaces and clearing out behind furniture (just kidding)!  I never quite got around to dusting while Maureen was gone but everything else got straightened, cleaned, vaccumed, etc... at least once. All-in-all, it might be that I don't need the same level of supervision that I used to.

Na, you're right, that can't be it!

That's all for this update! Until next time... Try to be as good as me (like that's possible)!

😉

R

PS  I do a lot of cutting and pasting when writing my blog.  I mistyped "Hootie Mama" once, then copied and pasted it a couple of times.  Imagine how much fun we would have had if I left it as............."Hottie Mama"!

Stand By For Another: "Hold My Beer And Watch This" Entry!

First things first.  I recently had the opportunity to visit my friends back in Southern California.  Maureen has taken a couple of "Camino" trips without me and has a trip to Ireland with her sisters planned for July on which I'm also not going.  I believe she was feeling guilty and so when, on a lark, I brought up traveling to SoCal for our Corona Host Lions Poker Tournament fundraiser she jumped at the chance to relieve her conscience and almost became insistent that I go.  Turns out I was able to practically steal the airplane ticket and if you read my previous blog entry, my "couch surfing" plan went pretty much as described.  Only once did I sleep in the same bed two nights in a row and only one other time did I stay more than one night with someone (not in a row).  I spent very little on food and only occasionally had to buy my own beer.  I took the MetroLink a few times to get back and forth between Anaheim and Corona and I had no agenda and only had to be at a place certain a couple of times so I was pretty free to roam the town.  I had a great day riding along with a few of the inspection staff from Corona, now the inspection staff of Jurupa Valley.  I had several opportunities to have quiet intimate discussions with old friends.  And I played poker in the tournament; badly.  Maybe I didn't get cards when I needed them but I played a few "second best hands" too far I'm sure.  All-in-all it was a great trip and I'll have to look for an excuse to do it again before too long.

For those of you not following Maureen's Facebook entries, she is on Day 14 (as of 5/6) of her Portuguese Camino walk.  Maureen and her friend Barb have made it to Cortica Portugal.  Below is a map of her route.  Cortica is not shown but it is between Tomar and Alvaiazere.  They plan on a relatively easy day today and should end up spending the evening/night in Ansiao.

I think the entire trip is planned for 44 days (including travel and off days) so Maureen is a little better than 1/4 the way through.

Now, "Hold my beer and watch this!"

So early on with our move I'd described our trips kayaking down the French Broad and how much I wanted my own kayak so I could go any time the mood struck.  Those were sit-on-top flat water river runners.  I also gave a synopsis of my "raft guide school dropout" experience.  One of the things I was able to do during my raft guide course was take a "Ducky" (inflatable kayak) through the rapids on the French Broad a couple of times.  Sitting down in a small personal boat is a very different experience from sitting up on the edge of a 6 or 8 person raft.  That experience planted the seed that I just might like kayaking the rapids even more.  You just can't get any closer to the water than riding a wave train in a kayak.  You are usually being doused with every wave and the tips of the waves in an active wave train are frequently over your head when you are in a kayak.  So with Maureen out of the country I got the bright idea that this would be a good time to dip my toe in so to speak.

Being the analytic that I am I looked at all of the kayaks on CraigsList and researched the descriptions and reviews for all of the available craft in my price range.  I bought a nice little used Dagger, Piedra with a little wear on the bottom but otherwise in good shape.  I signed up for a two day Intro to Kayaking class on the James River with RVA Paddlesports.  I'm in Richmond visiting my mom for Mother's Day and found this course kind of by accident, it was half the price of the NOC course southwest of Asheville, and I was able to leave Buddy at mom's house so dog sitting was handled.  The class was Saturday and Sunday 8-12.  

I show up Saturday and there are seven students.  I could spend half my blog describing how none of the other six even remotely appeared to have the disposition to spend anytime upside down in a kayak.  As you will see soon, I spent quite a bit more of my time than I wanted in just that orientation.  I was the oldest there and I'm sure they had a similar assessment about me.  Before we got on the river, in order to be able to use a skirt with your kayak, which is essential to keeping water out of your boat in the rapids, each participant was required to demonstrate a "wet exit" from their kayak.  Of the seven of us only two agreed to even make the attempt, the youngest (a thirteen year old boy) and the oldest, myself.  A wet exit is simple.  You are in your kayak, legs wedged under braces, and a skirt tightly secured around a rim with a bungee cord about a size and a half too small.  The instructor rolls the boat over so you are upside down in the water.  You then have to free your legs and pull/release the bungee, exit the kayak under water and come to the surface.  The kid goes first.  The instructor flips the kayak and the kid panics and taps out without even trying to exit the kayak.  My turn.  The instructor Loren, a cute young woman, early twenties if that, maybe 98 lbs soaking wet, holding the front of my kayak looks into this 170 lbs old man's eyes with cautious concern and asks, "are you ready?"  I'm like; "let's rock-n-roll" (I actually said that) and then I flipped the kayak myself.  Less than 3 seconds later I popped up beside the kayak as the only participant allowed to use a skirt (bet you never thought you'd here me say I was happy about wearing a skirt).  

It turns out, despite all of the reviews and Dagger's declaration that the Piedra is suited for beginners, it's one of the most difficult kayaks to learn on.  Loren informed me that "if you can learn on that boat, you'll be an expert on any other kayak you get in."  I said; "yes, it's just like my frog theory."  (Huh?)  My frog theory is; "if you eat a frog first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day!"  That was my experience with my Dagger.  It was like trying to stay on top of a 55 gallon drum in the middle of the river.  Like one of the lumber jacks on a log but you don't even have the advantage of running on the barrel as it rotates under you.  You just sit on top and take what you get.  Actually, the kayak worked great in the rapids.  It's nimbleness, round bottom, and tapered stern were designed for just that.  Where I had problems was after exiting the rapids.  Imagine riding a motorcycle at 50 mph.  With the forward momentum the motorcycle practically keeps itself upright.  Now try riding it at 5 mph.  The motorcycle is very unstable and at the slow speeds you have to be more concerned with loosing control and toppling over.  That was how I felt in the Piedra.

On the first day I only rolled upside down once on the river. It was a little embarrassing because I had just navigated the rapids fine and was just paddling around waiting when all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, I'm tipping beyond the point of no return.  I executed my "wet exit" perfectly. However, I was the second one through the rapid and both of the instructors were still up top with the rest of the group. I had the presence of mind to hold onto my paddle when I exited and when I came to the surface I was only about 5 feet from my boat. The shore on the other hand was roughly 40 yards away. So in one hand I had the paddle and using the same hand grabbed the front handle on the boat which was still upside down. With my feet and other arm I started my lifeguard side swim to the shore across the current. I'm a reasonably strong swimmer but I have to admit, with the drag of the paddle and boat, that was a tough swim. The rest of the morning was uneventful (which means I managed to stay in the boat). We ran a few more rapids and Loren began the process of showing me how to execute a roll (when you tip over there is a method for recovering, righting yourself and your boat without having to exit and climb back in).

Day two:  Only three of the initial seven signed up for the two day course.  And of the three only two of us showed on day two.  And of course, I'm the only one they can begin showing the neat kayak maneuvers to because I'm the only one with the skirt to keep the water out of my kayak.  Because of overnight rain the river had swollen a bit and even though we were to run the same stretch of river it turned out to be a different run.  One of the things we worked on was aggressively entering an eddy behind obstacles (rocks, bridge supports, etc...) after a rapid.  With almost every attempt, my 55 gallon barrel of a kayak rolled me off.  I was in the river at least four, maybe five times.  That may not sound like much but swimming a swift moving river is a lot different from swimming laps in a pool.  By that last time out of the boat I was exhausted.  Again, my kayak ran all of the rapids like a champ.  But every time I tried to cross an eddy current to enter calm water over I went.  Day two our instructor was Jacob.  He was patient with my repeated dunkings, helping me retrieve my kayak and getting me situated for the next run.  Jacob also spent a good deal of time helping me progress through the rolling routine although I'll need considerable more practice before I can take that skill to the river.  

I still like running the rapids best down close in the water (but while still in the boat).  However, I'm better suited for a floating brick, not a 55 gallon barrel.  Not aircraft carrier stable but maybe more destroyer class stable.  Something that can take a near miss from a shore battery and remain upright.  I think my Dagger Piedra is going back on CraigsList to be replaced with something more suitable for my age and skills.  For now, I'll take back that beer and start my research again a little wiser for the wear.

Yeah, that's not me, just a stock photo from RVA Paddlesports website. Maybe next time!

Until next time, I hope everyone is having as much fun as I am.

Rick